i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Just invented taco cereal.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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