Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
