I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
