Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
