Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
