Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Enjoy the penises
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
