i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
