You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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