I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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