Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
