I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I pour the whiskey from now on
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
