hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
