we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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