I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
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