Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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