just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
