I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
