Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
