why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I just found a bag of teeth...
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
PANTIES FOUND
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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