I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize
