Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
