how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
