Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
