I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
