she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Randomize
