that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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