youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
