I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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