The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
