I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
