I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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