woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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