why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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