I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
