I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
