my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
