So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
