I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
My feet surprised me
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
