AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
