He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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