im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize