you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
