Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
