By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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