i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize