i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Randomize
