I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
