i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize