Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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