I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
