I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
