who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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