My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
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