She went from zero to smokin in five shots
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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