Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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