I should be sponsored by Trojan
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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