Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
sarcasm needs its own font
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize