I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Randomize
