I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize