Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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