I wish I could punch you in the face.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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