girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
