does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
