She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
not ubering you a puppy
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
