the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
