just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I wish you could order shots online.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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