i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
