I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
