I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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