I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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