I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
