I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
