On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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