last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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