You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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