What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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