Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
