a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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