someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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