sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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