Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Randomize