I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i think i have herpe
just one?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
