So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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