I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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