My room smells like vodka and shame
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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