I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
