Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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