i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize