We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Randomize
