ya dads aren't the best wingmen
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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