Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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