1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
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